Speaking OUT: Queer Youth in Focus - 65 Powerful Photographs Of and Words From Queer Youth

Speaking OUT: Queer Youth in Focus, photographed by Rachelle Lee Smith, featuring the teens' own words.

"A photographic essay that collectively explores a wide spectrum of experiences told from the perspective of a diverse group of youth ages 14 to 24 identifying as queer (i.e., lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or questioning). Portraits are presented without judgment and/or stereotype by eliminating environmental influence with a stark white backdrop. This backdrop acts as a blank canvas to be filled with the each subject’s point of view handwritten onto the final print. With more than 65 portraits photographed over a period of ten years beginning 2001, Speaking OUT provides a rare insight into the ever evolving passions, confusions, prejudices, fulfillment, joys, and sorrows voiced by queer youth."

In the words of Rachel Lee Smith, the photographer and driving force behind this book, "I believe there is strength in numbers, power in words, and freedom in art and I strive to raise awareness with this work."

Add your review of "Speaking OUT: Queer Youth in Focus" in comments!

The 57 Bus - A True Story of Two Teenagers [one who identifies as Agender] and the Crime That Changed Their Lives

The 57 Bus: A True Story of Two Teenagers and the Crime That Changed Their Lives by Dashka Slater

One teenager in a skirt.
One teenager with a lighter.
One moment that changes both of their lives forever.

If it weren’t for the 57 bus, Sasha and Richard never would have met. Both were high school students from Oakland, California, one of the most diverse cities in the country, but they inhabited different worlds. Sasha, a white teen, lived in the middle-class foothills and attended a small private school. Richard, a black teen, lived in the crime-plagued flatlands and attended a large public one. Each day, their paths overlapped for a mere eight minutes. But one afternoon on the bus ride home from school, a single reckless act left Sasha severely burned, and Richard charged with two hate crimes and facing life imprisonment. The case garnered international attention, thrusting both teenagers into the spotlight.

"The 57 Bus" won the Stonewall Book Award—Mike Morgan & Larry Romans Children's & Young Adult Literature Award and was a finalist for the YALSA Award for Excellence in Nonfiction for Young Adults. 

The motivating questions for author Dashka Slater? “What does it mean to be agender and how should we think about a teenager who commits a bias crime?” Read the full article about Dashka and this nonfiction book for teens at Kirkus Reviews here.

Add your review of "The 57 Bus" in comments!

TRANS/gressive: How Transgender Activists Took on Gay Rights, Feminism, the Media & Congress... and Won! - Essential Reading

TRANS/gressive: How Transgender Activists Took on Gay Rights, Feminism, the Media & Congress... and Won! by Riki Wilchins

In the early 1990s, no one talked about transgender people, and no one knew one. We were not on TV or in movies. What formed the visible part of the transcommunity – overwhelmingly white, urban, and middle class – was also overwhelmingly focused on conferences, surgery or hormones and cisgender acceptance.

This was still a determinedly non-political population, often in defensive crouch because it was also constantly under attack by the media, police, local legislatures, feminists and even LGB-but-never-T advocates.

We were a group that still thought of ourselves as a collection of separate individuals, not a movement. What made political consciousness so difficult was that there was no "transgender section” of town, where we saw each other regularly.

And mainstream society mostly ignored us. And when it didn’t, it usually made clear it despised us. We were freaks. We were gendertrash.

We lived in a transient and indoor community that knew itself only a few days at a time during conferences at hotels out on the interstate.

But all that was about to change.

Even when politics are avoided, bringing despised and marginalized people together is itself a political act. Without realizing or intending it, the community was reaching critical mass.

Even in those pre-Internet, pre-cellphone days, enough transpeople were running into one another often enough to begin realizing we could be a force, that we didn’t really need cisgender acceptance. What we needed was our civil rights.

This is the inside story of how in just a few years, a handful of trans activists would come together in the face of enormous difficulties and opposition to launch from the very margins of society what would grow into the modern political movement for gender rights.

Add your review of "TRANS/gressive: How Transgender Activists Took on Gay Rights, Feminism, the Media & Congress... and Won!" in comments!

Breakthrough - Nonfiction about a gay teen scientist

Breakthrough by Jack Andraka, with Matthew Lysiak.

Teen scientist Jack Andraka’s journey through middle and high school is replete with homophobic persecution at school and skepticism from the scientific community. Between developing an early and inexpensive test for pancreatic cancer and establishing his own sense of self-worth, Jack’s story is a beacon of inspiration and hope.

Okay, I can't wait to read this one - and it was a top ten choice of the ALA's Rainbow List for 2016! Add your review of "Breakthrough" in comments!

The V-Word: True Stories about First-Time Sex. "It's Your Sex-Life-Take Charge of It"

The V-Word by Amber J. Keyser

In this nonfiction book, seventeen authors change the conversation around virginity, sex, and sexuality by sharing their true stories of first-time sex. Exhilarating or disappointing, pursued or coerced, comical or beautiful, relished or regretted, gay or straight, these women share all, every intense emotion that swirls around the sexual experience. Ultimately, these stories offer up a vast world of possible experiences - sex within committed relationships and not, same-sex and opposite-sex couples, sex that was sought out and sex that involved some sort of pressure.

The book also includes a Q&A with teen librarian Kelly Jensen on how teen sex is portrayed in the media, resources for teens who want to learn more, guidelines for safer sex practices, support for girls wanting to delay sexual activity, and a resource section for parents on how to approach this topic with their child.

Add your review of "The V-Word" in comments!

Far From The Tree - A Must-Read NonFiction Book For Parents (And maybe everyone else, too.)

"Anyone with an open heart should know that the world would have ended long ago without the translators who convey male and female meanings across gender's fierce boundaries. It may be a recent phenomenon for that to be an identity, but what has changed is the characterization of such people -- not their eternal merit, not their uncanny, necessary splendor."
- Andrew Solomon

That's from pg. 675 of "Far From The Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity" - Andrew Solomon's brilliant (and epic) nonfiction book about how in most families, a child's identity is vertical - if your parents are Japanese, and you're Japanese, you share that identity and they can help you understand what it is to be Japanese. Hence, the expression, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

But sometimes, the apple DOES fall far from the tree: My parents are straight, and I'm gay. To understand and claim what being gay meant for my identity, I needed to go outside of my family, to a horizontal identity community.

Andrew Solomon, who is gay and dyslexic and suffers from depression himself, started to see parallels between the journeys of parents and their children who had horizontal identities.

At one point, he writes of being gay:

"My own recovery has been from the perception of illness."

and that, in him, his parents had a child who spoke a language they'd never thought of studying.


The book explores deaf children of hearing parents, little people born to normative-sized parents, children with Down Syndrome, Autism, Schizophrenia, Disability, Prodigies, Children of rape, children who commit crimes, and transgender children -- exploring the parallels and insights their experiences collectively offer as to what identity is and how families come to love and accept and appreciate the gifts of children and circumstances they would never have chosen.

Over ten years, Andrew interviewed more than 300 families for the book and the result is brilliant - a must-read for every parent on the planet (and maybe everyone who has been parented, too.)

Beyond Magenta: Transgender Teens Speak Out - nonfiction profiles and photographs of six transgender and gender-neutral teens

Beyond Magenta: Transgender Teens Speak Out by Susan Kuklin

Author and photographer Susan Kuklin met and interviewed six transgender or gender-neutral young adults and used her considerable skills to represent them thoughtfully and respectfully before, during, and after their personal acknowledgment of gender preference. Portraits, family photographs, and candid images grace the pages, augmenting the emotional and physical journey each youth has taken. Each honest discussion and disclosure, whether joyful or heartbreaking, is completely different from the other because of family dynamics, living situations, gender, and the transition these teens make in recognition of their true selves.

Add your review of "Beyond Magenta" in comments!

Raising My Rainbow: Adventures In Raising A Fabulous, Gender Creative Son

Raising My Rainbow: Adventures In Raising A Fabulous, Gender Creative Son by Lori Duron

C.J. is gender variant or gender nonconforming, whichever you prefer. Whatever the term, Lori has a boy who likes girl stuff—really likes girl stuff. He floats on the gender-variation spectrum from super-macho-masculine on the left all the way to super-girly-feminine on the right. He's not all pink and not all blue. He's a muddled mess or a rainbow creation. Lori and her family choose to see the rainbow.

Lori's blog (the same title as the book) is great and very popular, read by over a million readers in more than 170 countries and is used in gender studies courses at over 35 colleges and universities.  

I'm enjoying reading the book, which feels poignant, honest, and important. It's an excellent resource for parents (and anyone who wants to get some insight into a gender-non-conforming child's life.)

Add your review of "Raising My Rainbow" in comments!

Lesbians 101 - A Wonderful Comic Series That Answers Some Basic (And Important) Questions

Lesbians 101 by A. Stiffler & K. Copeland


I think this comic series on lesbians is wonderful - with honest and non-judgmental answers to questions the author and illustrator have been asked.

Lesson 1 is "Why Do All Lesbians Look The Same?"

Lesson 2 is "Which One Is the 'Man' In The Relationship?"

Lesson 3 is "Do Lesbians Have Sex? How?" (Be aware this lesson includes images of erotic items, but the comic is not itself erotic.)

Lesson 4 is "Why Do Lesbians Hate Men?"

Lesson 5 is "What is 'Lesbian Bed Death' and Why Do Lesbians Get It?"

Lesson 6 is "Isn't Lesbianism Just a Phase?"

Lesson 7 is "Who Is A Lesbian, Really?"

Here's what Lesson 1 looks like:

The comics are free and available at the creators' wesbite here.  Add your review of "Lesbians 101" in comments!

Celebrate YOUR Independence with "My New Gender Workbook" - The Updated Classic That's "A Step-by-Step Guide to Achieving World Peace Through Gender Anarchy and Sex Positivity"

My New Gender Workbook by Kate Bornstein



I'm really excited about this workbook - more crowdsourced, more graphic-novel/comics style, and even more thought-provoking!  Kate sees, and explores, gender as

"...one of fifteen interdependent spheres of cultural regulation, collectively known as kyriarchy.  The word was coined by Elisabeth Schussler Fiorenza, and we all owe her thanks for naming the point of convergence of gender, sexuality, race, looks, age, disability, class, mental health, religion, family/reproductive status, language, habitat, citizenship, political ideology and humanity.  This edition of the workbook examines gender as part of that system, and offers up suggestions on how to dismantle the whole f[-ing] mess through a politic of desire, and an activism of radical wonder and radical welcoming - all stuff I've been puzzling over for the last fifteen years."

Rather than do the regular synopsis thing, I'm going to share with you the table of contents, so you get a sense of what this work covers:

Preface to the 21st Century Edition

The first edition of this book was published fifteen years ago. This is the first and - given that I'm already sixty-five years old - the last time I'll be updating it.  Here's why I say why I did the update, and explain some new conventions in this version.

1.  Welcome to Your New Gender Workbook

This is your on-ramp to the book, darling.  You'll find out why studying gender is important for making your life more worth living.  You'll find out about me, Kate Bornstein, and why it's me who gets to tell you all this stuff about gender.  And there's also a fabulous gender aptitude quiz in here that you won't want to miss!

2.  Finding Gender.  Arrrr, There Be Pirates!

That's right, pirates!  And a treasure map.  Why?  Because gender is a buried treasure that very few people know about  and even fewer people try to dig it up.  You'll have a look at the basic components of gender, and how they play out in you.  And there are two puzzles:  one scary simple, and the other just plain scary.

3.  Let X=X

X may mark the spot on the treasure map, but X means so much more.  Getting to X is a journey through fifteen cultural spaces of regulations, of which gender is only one.  And, there's a movie break - no, really, you go watch a movie.  And there are robots!

4.  Let Why Equal Why

So... why is gender?  And just how perfectly gendered are you?  There's an in-depth exam to find that out exactly.

5.  There's Only One Gender:  Yours

This chapter is jam-packed with theory - which is another word for unproven ideas that could be big fat lies.  But if the theory in this chapter is close to correct, you're going to find out a whole lot about your unique gender and the kind of fun you can have in it.  Two big bonuses: rhyme games!!  And 101 gender outlaws name their genders in their own words.  Imagine that.

6.  Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!

I forget what this chapter is about.  But you won't.  Not ever.

7.  Get Ready To Do Your Gender

Most everyone goes through life without paying much attention to their gender(s).  Yes, you have more than one of them.  Everyone does.  This chapter is filled with drills that will help you become comfortably aware and focused on the performance of your gender(s).

8.  Do Your Gender Mindfully

Just what the chapter title says: you get to consciously make and implement decisions about your gender.  You're going to learn about all the drag you already do in life, and there's a comprehensive look at cultural playgrounds where you can practice any new genders that strike your fancy.  There's storytelling, whips and chains, and a four-page comic you can show your friends and family when they ask you the the f[-] is up with your gender!

9.  The Missing Piece is Nothing, and We're Going To Find It Nowhere

Welcome to the wild and wacky world of paradox.  What does it mean to the dominant culture that two of its fundamental building blocks are collapsing?  Gender as man-and-woman-only and sexuality as homo-and-hetero-only are so last century, and you're going to find out why.  You're also going to read the real story of the Garden of Eden, and God's thoughts on morality.  Yep.

10.  Okay, Now What?

This is where you'll learn how to achieve world peace through sex positivity and gender anarchy.  Tra-la, how fun!

Clearly, what's next is to read - and work through - and think about "My New Gender Workbook!"  Add your review in comments!

The Real Teen Voices Series: Vicious, Rage and Pressure

Vicious: True Stories by Teens About Bullying

Rage: True Stories by Teens About Anger

and

Pressure: True Stories by Teens About Stress

The Real Teen Voices series offers a window into the lives of inner-city teens. In these books — Vicious, Pressure, and Rage — teen writers open up to tell personal stories that tackle difficult, real-life issues related to bullying, stress, and anger. The essays were written by teens in an intensive writing program at Youth Communication, a nonprofit organization in New York City that helps marginalized youth develop their full potential through reading and writing.

The essays in Vicious: True Stories by Teens About Bullying address every type of bullying: physical, verbal, relational, and cyber. These writers experience cruelty and hurt—Kiara and her friends are terrorized by a cyberbully, Jeremiyah is attacked for being gay, and Elie fights back so hard against bullying he becomes a bully himself—but their essays reveal resilience. Also included, a therapist offers tips on what adults can do to help stop bullying.

Vicious includes:

“Gay on the Block” by Jeremiyah Spears
Harassed for being gay, Jeremiyah finds ways to maintain his self-worth

“A Place to Belong” by Lavell Pride
Lavell finds a supportive LGBTQ program that gives her the strength and courage to be herself


The teen writers in Rage: True Stories by Teens About Anger have plenty of reasons to be angry: parental abuse, street violence, peer pressure, and more. Their stories express rage honestly, but also show examples of anger management for teens. Read stories like “Ready to Fight” from Joseph, who was physically and sexually abused, but whose rage subsides when he finds a foster mom who respects him, and Shateek, who learns to channel his anger into success on the wrestling mat. He writes, “When my grandmother died and I was taken from my family, I felt like I was the only person in the world; I didn’t want to talk to anybody. I got in to a lot of trouble in school because I wasn’t able to control my anger . . . Wrestling taught me how to control my anger on and off the mat, and I was happy I could fight without getting in trouble for it.”

Rage includes:

“Taming My Anger” by Tray T.
Being gay in foster care has taken Tray’s struggles to a whole new level, but with the help of staff members at his group home, Tray finds less destructive ways to deal with his emotions.


In Pressure: True Stories by Teens About Stress, stress hits teens from all angles—at school, at home, and in their relationships. The essayists describe how stress has affected them and how they persevere through it, for example, Ashunte writes poetry to cope with the mental strain of being abused, and Ngan-Fong teaches herself to enjoy the moment, instead of pushing herself so hard to succeed that she never feels happy. The book includes tips and techniques for stress relief.

Pressure includes:

“Tears of a Clown” by Eugene Han
Eugene’s carefree persona masks the pain of a childhood burdened by adult responsibilities, including an incarcerated mother and coming to terms with his sexuality.


Add your review of "Vicious," "Rage" or "Pressure" in comments!

Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay

Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay by Paul Vitagliano

A collection of adorable childhood photographs accompanied by sweet, funny, and at times heartbreaking personal stories of those who grew up LGBTQ. Based on the popular blog of the same name (www.bornthiswayblog.com), the book is a celebration of growing up gay, childhood, and community.

Feeling different is, for many LGBTQ people, a central part of the experience of growing up. And, as the saying goes, a picture can speak a thousand words. Born This Way features 100 photographs submitted by blog readers from around the world, dating from the 1940s to today, paired with personal narratives about the images and about each contributor’s unique perspective on growing up LGBTQ.

Their warm, inclusive stories give people the courage to say, “Yes, I’m gay. And I was born this way. I’ve known it since I was very young, and this is my story.”

Add your review of "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" in comments!

Transitions of the Heart: Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children

Transitions of the Heart: Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children, Edited by Rachel Pepper

Transitions of the Heart is the first collection to invite mothers of transgender and gender variant children to tell their own stories. Often "transitioning" socially and emotionally alongside their children, parents have their own parallel process to work through, and few resources to depend on. Editor Rachel Pepper has gathered voices of women from all walks of life, with children ranging in age from six to sixty, to share their experiences. These mothers have learned how to advocate for their children and themselves. By speaking out here, they are blazing a brave trail for others to follow.

Check out this very powerful excerpt at advocate.com, in which Tracie Stratton, a mother whose fourth child is transgender, talks about her and her child's journeys.

It includes these quotes 

One of Izzy’s first sentences, even before she was two, was, “Me a boy, Mama.”

"And I did have moments of really missing my daughter Isabelle, who in reality was never there. I always had the same child. Where was my mind? How could I miss a little girl who was never a little girl?"

"I think parents of trans kids are the best parents ever. They unconditionally love their children, even when they don’t completely understand what their child is going through. So, my advice to other parents is really just to love their child, no matter what, and to stay strong. This is not about you or your religion and beliefs; it’s about your child. And get a great therapist, and an even better lawyer. Never let anyone question you. If your child is happy and a nice person, then you are doing the right thing."

Have you read it?  Add your review in comments!

And thanks to my husband for letting me know about this book!

The Letter Q: Queer Writers' Notes To Their Younger Selves

The Letter Q: Queer Writers' Notes To Their Younger Selves, Edited by Sarah Moon with contributing editor James Lecesne

If you received a letter from your older self, what do you think it would say?  What do you wish it would say?

That the boy you were crushing on in History turns out to be gay too, and that you become boyfriends in college?  That your mother, who's so freaked out about you being a lesbian now, will one day make the wedding cake for you and your girlfriend?  That the bully who is making your life miserable every day will one day become so insignificant that you won't remember his name until he shows up at your book signing and asks for your autograph?

In this anthology, sixty-four award-winning authors and illustrators such as Michael Cunningham, Amy Bloom, Jacqueline Woodson, Terrence McNally, Gregory Maguire, David Levithan, and Amistead Maupin, make imaginative journeys into their pasts, telling their younger selves what they would have liked to know about their lives as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgendered people.  Through stories, in pictures, with bracing honesty, these are words of love, messages of understanding, reasons to hold on for the better future ahead.  They will tell you things about your favorite authors that you never knew about before.  And they will tell you about yourself.

Carry this book with you.  Read it when you're having a difficult time, when you're feeling sad, insecure, or angry.  Read it when you feel hopeful and happy.  And someday - truly, it is not as far away as it seems - you will be able to add your own letter to the collection.

Sometimes, the jacket flap copy on a book is so great, I just have to run it as is (which I've done above.)   Here's the book trailer...



The list of authors who contributed to this collection is pretty remarkable:

Amy Bloom
Michael Cunningham
Julie Anne Peters
Jacqueline Woodson
Eileen Myles
David Levithan
Jasika Nicole
Rakesh Satyal
Doug Wright
Melandie Braverman
Brian Selznick
Stacey D'Erasmo
Adam Haslett
Terrence McNally
Erik Orrantia
Jennifer Camper
Martin Moran
Armistead Maupin
Arthur Levine
Malinda Lo
Maurice Vellekoop
Michael Nava
Larry Duplechan
Ali Leibegott
Paul Rudnick
Linda Villarosa
J.D. McClatchy
Anne Bogart
Eric Orner
Lucy Jane Bledsoe
Tony Valenzuela
Carole DeSanti
Gregory Maguire
Christopher Rice
Jewell Gomez
Bill Clegg
Erika Moen
Sarah Moon
Bruce Coville
LaShanda Katrice Barnett
Howard Cruse
Bil Wright
Michael DiMotta
Carter Sickels
Diane DiMassa
Brent Hartinger
Mayra Lazara Dole
Benoit Deizet-Lewis
Susan Stinson
Marc Wolf
Lucy Knisley
Nick Burd
Ray Daniels
James Lecesne
Paula Gilovich
Colman Domingo
Richard McCann
Marion Dane Bauer
Lucy Thurber
Randall Kenan
Paige Braddock
Jaye Maiman
David Leavitt
David Ebershoff

Wow, huh?


Add your review of "The Letter Q" in comments!

Namaste,
Lee

The Geeks Shall Inherit The Earth - An Incredible Non Fiction Book about Bullying and "outsider" status

I cannot say enough good things about The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth: Popularity, Quirk Theory, and Why Outsiders Thrive After High School by Alexandra Robbins.

If you're a teen dealing with the pressures to fit in... read it.

If you're a parent wanting to support your child... read it.

If you're a teacher or educator and you want a deeper understanding both of what's going on with teens and bullying, and how you can help make things better... read it.


The book is nonfiction, but reads like a great story, following five main individuals from among the thousands of interviews Alexandra did.  It also includes a lot of great research and supporting points.  My copy from the library ended up with tons of sticky note markers and scribbled scraps of paper bookmarks throughout, so I could share just a taste of how great it is. 

Here are some of the moments that really jumped out at me:

"Nothing is more unnerving to the truly conventional than the unashamed misfit."
- J.K. Rowling, as quoted on page 7

“Elementary school taught us that variety is what makes the world beautiful. In high school, variety is weird and conformity is survival.”
- High School Junior Beth Ann, as quoted on page 313

“Being gay sucks because you’re forced into silence. People assume that straight people fall in love and gay people have sex. Even my mother says, ‘I don’t understand why gay people have to come out. It’s none of anyone’s business what you do in bed,’ as if being gay is a fetish or something and only pertains to the bedroom.”
Regan, as quoted on page 93

“At school, Einstein wrote, being bullied gave him “a lively sense of being an outsider.” Although he earned good grades, he was so uncomfortable with the “mechanical,” militaristic teaching style, which was devoid of creativity, that his obvious aversion to it led teachers to push him out of school before graduation... Being an outsider helped Einstein immensely: because he wasn’t accepted into the physics establishment, he had nothing to lose by challenging the status quo… Einstein developed the theory of relativity precisely because of his different way of thinking…”

She quoted a Wired article by Isaacson, “What made Einstein special was his impertinence, his nonconformity, and his distaste for dogma. Einstein’s genius reminds us that a society’s competitive advantage comes not from teaching the multiplication or periodic tables but from nurturing rebels. Grinds have their place, but unruly geeks change the world.” pg. 162-163

“I’m happy to be part of a culture where the guys who were made fun of in high school are now the ones the jocks go to see onstage.” - Pete Wentz, frontman for Fall Out Boy, who said of his high school, “I was pretty outcast, but a lot of it was by choice. I was kind of a geek… I looked weird."  He has been open about his depression and stints in therapy. “I like the idea that everyone can get depressed and that there is a way to get through it.” Said Wentz. pg. 167

And the research Alexandra cites is amazing.

Like this fascinating discussion of group favoritism, and the 1954 Robbers Cave State Park study in Oklahoma. They divided a bunch of eleven year old boys into two groups and how, pitted against each other, the groups became enemies. And perhaps even more interesting, how, after that, once the boys from both groups were teamed up for collaborative projects, they became friendly with each other. pg. 233.

She discusses the special dynamics at work in middle school, when “social circles are most homogenous” and students are “more likely to adhere to group norms and to demand that other group members conform," and when “cyberbullying peaks.” She quotes Concordia University psychology professor William Bukowski as warning, “As this consensus is elusive, the struggles for power within groups may provide nearly perfect conditions for some group members who upset a tenuous consensus to be victimized.” And then add in the complications of puberty on top of all that…
Pg. 246-247

Alexandra also explores “reputational bias” – As she quotes one expert explaining, “popular children acquire a ‘positive halo’ and unpopular children acquire a ‘negative halo,’ which color how their behavior is perceived, evaluated, and responded to by others.” Pg. 252-253

The book is loaded with insights,

Like this quote from Quentin Crisp
“The young always have the same problem – how to rebel and conform at the same time. They solve this problem by defying their parents and copying one another.”

and suggestions of solutions,

“The best way to get a kid to be a leader is to give him something to lead.”
Pg. 303, a Connecticut teacher

“If schools celebrated student scientists the same way they celebrate student athletes, more students would be encouraged to pursue the subject. Instead, science is considered nerdy because schools help students to paint it that way... Schools effectively control which students are eligible to achieve the visibility and recognition that pave the path to perceived popularity. Too often they glorify the wrong people.”

And the book concludes with a gold-mine of suggestions that are so good I have to share just the titles... but you should read the explanations yourself!

What Students can do: 
Know that being different doesn’t mean you’re flawed,
Give everyone a chance,
Keep in mind that loneliness won’t last forever,
Try humor and confidence,
Stop trying to conform,
Find an ally, and
Pursue non-school activities.

What Parents can do:
Remove social status from your list of worries,
Don’t assume you know what your child wants,
Encourage individuality,
Have faith in your child,
Consider switching schools,
Lobby for changes in school

What Schools can do: 
Don’t try to “normalize” outcasts – they’re not in the wrong,
Respect the significance of the cafeteria,
Encourage teachers to offer safe havens,
Create superordinate goals,
Monitor for both kinds of aggression,
Employ social norms strategies,
Treat all groups equally,
Make credit requirements equitable,
Encourage upperclassmen to support new students,
Encourage unexpected introductions,
Facilitate connections rather than imposing friendships,
Offer teachers/advisors of marginalized students the chance to be visible,
Rock the vote,
Don’t punish individuals by rewarding groups,
Reach out,
Fight to promote creativity,
Improve clique relations – among staff,
Confront issues head-on, and
Have a well-known anti-bullying procedure and contact person.

(pages 376-39)

Alexandra finishes with this summation

“Outcasts may be persecuted or shunned, but they are also free… Cafeteria fringe status liberates them from the confines of rigid teen boxes, saving a student the time, energy and frustration of trying to be someone he’s not… Undoubtedly the loneliness that may accompany this freedom can be a heartrending price to pay. But most people are lonely at times. As countless students – like Whitney, like Blue – have indicated to me over the years, just because a student has company doesn’t mean that she’s not lonely. Better to be lonely and real than to hide constantly behind a mask of self-deception. The loneliness will pass.” Pg. 395

"Better to be lonely and real than to hide constantly behind a mask of self-deception.  The loneliness will pass." 

Such wise words.

"The Geeks Shall Inherit The Earth" is an excellent, excellent resource for all of us wanting to end bullying and show kids how to not just survive, but thrive.

I want every teacher (and administrator) in this country to read this book over the summer, and if I could, I'd require it! 

Namaste,
Lee

Prayers For Bobby - A Mother's Coming to Terms with the Suicide of Her Gay Son

Prayers For Bobby by Leroy Aarons

Bobby Griffith was an all-American boy ...and he was gay. Faced with an irresolvable conflict-for both his family and his religion taught him that being gay was "wrong"-Bobby chose to take his own life.

Prayers for Bobby, nominated for a 1996 Lambda Literary Award, is the story of the emotional journey that led Bobby to this tragic conclusion. But it is also the story of Bobby's mother, a fearful churchgoer who first prayed that her son would be "healed," then anguished over his suicide, and ultimately transformed herself into a national crusader for gay and lesbian youth.

As told through Bobby's poignant journal entries and his mother's reminiscences, Prayers for Bobby is at once a moving personal story, a true profile in courage, and a call to arms to parents everywhere.

My thanks to Jeff for suggesting this title.  Add your review of "Prayers For Bobby" in comments! 


And if you're in crisis, you can call 866-488-7386 and speak with someone at the Trevor Project Lifeline.

Author Holly Cupala on the "Dear Bully" Anthology and her latest Young Adult Novel, "Don't Breathe A Word"

I love getting the story behind the story, and that's exactly what Holly Cupala shares in our interview:

Don't Breathe A Word By Holly Cupala

"Joy Delamere is suffocating...

From asthma, which has nearly claimed her life. From her parents, who will do anything to keep that from happening. From delectably dangerous Asher, who is smothering her from the inside out.

Joy can take his words—tender words, cruel words—until the night they go too far.

Now, Joy will leave everything behind to find the one who has offered his help, a homeless boy called Creed. She will become someone else. She will learn to survive. She will breathe…if only she can get to Creed before it’s too late.

Set against the gritty backdrop of Seattle’s streets and a cast of characters with secrets of their own, Holly Cupala’s powerful new novel explores the subtleties of abuse, the meaning of love, and how far a girl will go to discover her own strength."

Dear Bully: 70 YA Authors Tell Their Stories Edited by Megan Kelley Hall and Carrie Jones

A Non-Fiction Anthology of "dear bully" essays and letters by "today's top authors for teens and young readers"

The list of contributors is impressive, including Holly Cupala and a number of authors whose YA books (with GLBTQ characters and themes) are featured here:  Carrie Jones, Cecil Castellucci, Ellen Hopkins, Jo Knowles, Lisa Yee, and Nancy Garden.

There's also a wonderful website, dearbully.com, that shares one new "dear bully" story a week - and these are stories not included in the book! You should definitely check it out:

Add your reviews of "Don't Breathe A Word" and "Dear Bully" in comments!

Hello, Cruel World: 101 Alternatives To Suicide For Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws

By Kate Bornstein

"Celebrated transsexual trailblazer Kate Bornstein has, with more humor and spunk than any other, ushered us into a world of limitless possibility through a daring re-envisionment of the gender system as we know it.

Here, Kate bravely and wittily shares personal and unorthodox methods of survival for navigating an often cruel world.  A one-of-a-kind guide to staying alive outside the box, Hello, Cruel World is a much-needed unconventional approach to teenage suicide prevention for marginalized youth who want to stay on the edge, but alive.

Hello, Cruel World features a catalog of 101 Alternatives To Suicide that range from the playful (Moisturize), to the irreverent (Disbelieve the Binary), to the highly controversial (Get Laid.  Please.)  Designed to encourage readers to give themselves permission to unleash their hearts' harmless desires, this book has only one directive: "Don't be mean."  It is this guiding principle that brings its reader on a self-validating journey, which forges wholly new paths toward a resounding decision to choose life.

Tenderly intimate and unapologetically edgy, Kate is the radical role model, the affectionate best friend, and the guiding mentor all in one kind and spirited package."


And I have to share a bit from a great review of this book by Jack Radish:

"Bornstein’s book is the thing that could help all those people sitting in front of their computer screen looking at “It Gets Better” videos and getting hope answer the question, “how can I make it better now???” You would think that all the people orchestrating [the "It Gets Better"] project would want those people to get those answers. But what happens when those answers are weird, dangerous and freaky? What happens when the answer is not that life gets better for depressed queer people when they neatly assimilate into mainstream culture? What happens when the answer is that queer people and trans people and other people who are different can make their lives better by embracing the things that make them freaks and weirdos and outlaws and deviants and say “f[-] you” to mainstream culture that tries to stop us from doing that?" 

Add your review of "Hello Cruel World" in comments!  

And if you are in crisis and need to talk to someone, The Trevor Project's lifeline has people 24/7 on their phone lines.  Call them at 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

GLBTQ: The Survival Guide For Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning Teens

By Kelly Huegel

This book should be in every school and public library in America. Scratch that. In the world.

From the dedication (so sweet!)

“…And for queer kids everywhere. You are my heroes.”

to the final lines that tell every reader to "enjoy yourself and your life. You deserve it."

Kelly gets the tone just right: informative, clear, helpful, encouraging, patient and warm.

I read this guide cover to cover, and while that's certainly not the only way to read it, it was packed with great information and advice.

Pheonix Schneider (The Trevor Project's Program Director) wrote a beautiful foreword – stirring and honest, about how the journey to be authentic is really what it’s all about. Sexual orientation, gender identity, whether you fall into an easily identifiable category or not – each of us are on the adventure to “feel most comfortable being who you were born to be: your unique, beautiful self.”

As Kelly writes, “The journey from being a confused, scared teen to the out and proud person I am today was a road traveled not by big leaps, but instead by many small steps.”

And this guide walks us through our own steps.

“The purpose of this book is not to make you choose a label, but to help you get to know yourself and be more comfortable with who you are.”

Love that!

The Chapters are:

GLBTQ 101

Homophobia

Coming Out

Life at School

GLBTQ Friends

Dating and Relationships

Sex and Sexuality

Staying Healthy

Religion and Culture

Transgender Teens

Work, College and Beyond

(and there's a glossary, resources, selected bibliography and index at the end.)

In 11 chapters there's so much Kelly covers, and all of it with common (or perhaps we need to acknowledge that it's uncommon) sense!

Moments in the guide I have to tell you about:

"Reparative therapy and transformational ministries can be very destructive to queer people’s self-esteem because the goal is to convince those who are GLBTQ that their thoughts and feelings are wrong and unnatural. If you need help coming to terms with being GLBTQ, or if you just want someone to talk to, seeking therapy or counseling to discuss these issues is a good idea. But talk to someone who won’t try to make you feel like it’s wrong to be who you are. You don’t need to try to fix who you are, because nothing is wrong with you in the first place." (pg. 14)

Yes!

And from the section, "Your Personal Geography: Exploring Who You Are

"What it all boils down to is that it doesn’t really matter what the “experts” say. The only person who is a true expert when it comes to you is you, so what matters is what you say. You’re the only person who can make a definitive statement about who you are — or you can decide not to make a definitive statement. While you can’t control whether you’re GLBTQ, you can shape how you feel about yourself. You have the power to improve your self-esteem." (pg. 15)

Awesome!!


There are amazing statistics, like this one:

In his book The New Gay Teenager, Savin-Williams asserts that, based on his own study of teens, “it is safe to conclude that at least 15 percent and maybe as high as 20 percent of all adolescents have some degree of a same-sex orientation.” (pg. 15)

WOW - 15 to 20%?

And:

According to GLSEN’s “2009 National School Climate Survey,” 53 percent of students reported having been victims of cyberbullying.

Yikes!

And the changes in one generation:

A Gallup poll conducted in May of each year asks Americans about their attitudes toward homosexuality. In 2008, 57 percent of all Americans surveyed said they found homosexuality to be an acceptable lifestyle, compared with only 34 percent in 1982. Acceptance of GLBTQ people is even higher among younger generations—75 percent of Americans ages 18 to 34 surveyed said they feel homosexuality is acceptable.

And

According to the “2009 National School Climate Survey” conducted by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), nearly 60 percent of students reported feeling unsafe at school because of their sexual orientation, and more than a third felt unsafe because of their gender identity or gender expression. In addition, 40 percent of GLBTQ students surveyed reported experiencing physical harassment (such as being blocked from walking down the hall), and nearly 19 percent reported being physically assaulted (punched, kicked, etc.) at school in the last year because of their sexual orientation.

One of the great things about this guide is that throughout there are quotes from teens and youth about the topics being discussed. "Been There" quotes hit not just "that was my experience" but also "here's what I did." One of my favorites:

Been There
“I was just doing my thing at my locker when one of a group of girls looked at me and said, ‘You’re a dyke.’ I looked back at her and smiled and said, ‘You say that like it’s a bad thing.’ She was stunned. She just looked at me for a minute, then turned and walked away.” Anna, 17 — pg. 38

love that!

And while sharing some of the challenges of being queer (like haters existing in the world) the guide never lets us lose sight of hope... like this moment, talking about one response to anti-gay protestors, from pg. 38

The protestors later went to Montgomery Blair High School to demonstrate against the school's gay-straight alliance (GSA). A local open congregation launched a fundraiser in response, encouraging churchgoers to donate money for every minute the Kansas group protested the school. The church donated the money to a local gay rights organization.

The guide tackles myths, something that's so important to address:

Myth #2: Gay men are attracted to all men, lesbians are attracted to all women, and bisexuals are attracted to just plain everyone. The truth: Just like straight people, queer people have personal tastes in what they like, whether it’s food, cars, or people they’re attracted to. Because the stereotype is so common, some people may be uncomfortable when they first meet a GLBTQ person. (“Oh, he’s gay. . . . He must be checking me out.”) But coming out to someone is not the same thing as coming on to the person. The more people are exposed to gays, lesbians, and bisexuals, the more they come to understand that. (pg. 19)

So important to talk about!

Myth #9: Queer people recruit. The truth: This myth is rooted in a misunderstanding that GLBTQ people choose to be who they are, and so therefore they can talk or turn someone else into being queer. An especially vicious aspect of this myth is the accusation that GLBTQ people “recruit” young people. In fact, this book has been banned from a few libraries because some people allege that the information in it is designed to “turn” young people GLBTQ. Being gay isn’t like buying a car — a skilled salesperson can’t just talk you into it. Personal identity and attraction are highly individual and can’t be dictated by someone else. (pg. 22-23)

Perfectly said!

The guide is full of great resources, like:

ACLU Youth & Schools
The American Civil Liberties Union advocates for equality for all people, and this site offers tools that can be helpful for promoting tolerance in schools, including those in rural areas.

Centerlink serves as an online directory for GLBTQ centers.

The National Youth Advocacy Coalition, through a partnership with The Trevor Project, also provides info on state and local organizations working with GLBTQ teens.

A great offering were some ideas of how to respond to homophobic remarks, (pg. 40) like:

“What’s with the hate?”

awesome!


The chapter GLBTQ Friends, ‘We Are Family,’ shares the message that the GLBTQ community has room for you just as you are – and that’s so important and so true.

And of course, I appreciated the shout out on pg. 87:

Speaking of Books . . . Finding Yourself in Literature
Just as it's important to connect with other GLBTQ people in real life, it's also great to see yourself represented in books. Being able to read about people (real or fictional) who are like you or who have had similar experiences is important to feeling "normal." Writer and blogger Lee Wind operates an award-winning site (www.leewind.org) for which he reviews and catalogs many books with GLBTQ character and themes.

Thanks, Kelly!

Making Connections: The section on GLBTQ Online Communities included a discussion on internet safety which was good stuff!

On dating:

“The key is to be true to yourself and honest with the person you’re spending time with.”

Such good advice!


I really appreciated this guide's very real take "On dating and pda" (public displays of affection)

Assessing the Situation
Homophobes aren’t lurking in every shadow, but they are out there—including some who are dangerous. Unless you’re on extremely familiar or otherwise safe turf, like a GLBTQ establishment or event, before leaning in for a peck, do a quick check of your surroundings.
• Are a lot of people close by?
• What’s the feeling you get from them by looking at them?
• What are your instincts telling you?
• Are people minding their own business, or do they seem a little too interested in yours?
• Are you in a place that’s open or easily accessible, or are you in a confined space where it would be tough to leave quickly?

Good stuff to consider.

There's also

Tips from recovering from a breakup – recognizing that love lost can be more difficult for GLBTQ teens because they might not have the support for being themselves that straight teens have by default.

Very thoughtful.

Another thing I love about this guide (as on page 101, in the advice for dealing with breakups section) are the examples of insensitive comments others might make with suggestions of what your responses might be:

“Good – you can go back to dating girls now.”

“If you and Dad split up, would you start dating women?

and

“It’s not like it was a real relationship anyway.”

“It hurts when you belittle how I feel. Whether you approved of the relationship isn’t the issue. This isn’t about you, it’s about me.”

Great!

Dating violence – something rarely if ever mentioned in the straight community, is addressed, with measured advice:

Dating violence for GLBTQ young people is very similar to abuse and violence in straight teen relationships, but queer teens may face additional challenges. They may have to deal with homophobia and ignorance about GLBTQ relationships. Abusive partners also might threaten to out the person being abused.
GLBTQ teens might struggle with ideas of what relationships should be like because relatively few positive queer role models are available. This can make abuse harder to recognize because victims don’t expect it or see it addressed in GLBTQ relationships. No matter who you’re dating, you have the right to be treated with respect by your partner.

• Abuse is about control and power, not love.

Wise words.

And then, beautifully, Kelly flips the lens and in a sidebar asks:

What If It’s You?
What if you're worried that you are the one treating your partner disrespectfully or abusively? Recognizing this is a very important step. Consider these questions:
Is this the type of person you want to be?
Is this the kind of relationship you want to have, instead of one built on mutual respect and trust?
There can be a lot of reasons why you're treating your partner abusively. Maybe this is the kind of relationship your parents or other family members have. You might need to get support for emotional issues you're dealing with. It's not too late to get help. You, too, can call any of the resources listed in this chapter to talk to a trusted adult. Do it not just for your partner, but also for yourself.

Such important words to share.

In the chapter on Sex and Sexuality, there was a great section on tools to make choices about sex

According to the CDC’s “Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance, 2009,” 46 percent of high school students had engaged in sexual intercourse. So although it might seem like it, not everyone is having sex. If you decide you’re not ready or you’re not interested, you’ll have a lot of company (54 percent of your peers, to be precise).
Researchers have also found that some teens who tell their peers they’ve had sex are stretching the truth. With all the pressure to have sex, it’s understandable that some teens feel the need to lie about their experiences. Some tell stories to get attention, to feel more mature, or to get people to quit asking if they’re having sex. Knowing that they could be lying gives you another reason not to base your decisions on what your friends might or might not be doing.

(that was from page 114) and this awesome “been there” quote:

“Don’t straight people know they’re heterosexual before they’ve had sex?”

There were great resources on sex info (pg 123) and solid, conservative advice on safer (as opposed to “safe” sex.)

The Staying Healthy chapter included more surprising stats - on depression, and a section talking about five great ways to beat the blues. It was wonderful advice, and I was so happy to see the journaling suggestion. Works for me…

And the "A deal for life" contract (pg. 139) was poignant. I'm so glad the Trevor Project lifeline (866-4-U-TREVOR, 866-488-7386) is there for teens who don’t have someone to take that pledge with, because by calling, everyone one of them has someone to talk to. You – we - are all important. Every one of us. That means you, too.

This section also included more stunning statistics, like this, from page 138:

While overall use of alcohol, drugs, and tobacco has declined somewhat for teens in the last several years, overall substance abuse rates are still much higher for GLBTQ teens than for their straight peers. A 2008 article published in the journal Addiction, which analyzed data from 18 different studies conducted between 1994 and 2006, reported that GLBTQ teens are 190 percent more likely than heterosexual teens to use drugs or alcohol. The numbers are even higher among subgroups. For example, bisexual teens are 340 percent more likely to use drugs or alcohol than straight peers, and lesbians are 400 percent more likely.
Why are these numbers so high? Dr. Michael Marshal, a researcher from the University of Pittsburgh and the main author of the study, said, “Homophobia, discrimination, and victimization are largely responsible for these substance use disparities in young gay people.” Still, he noted, “It is important to remember that the vast majority of gay youth are happy and healthy, despite the stressors of living in a...homophobic society.”

The guide covers alcohol, cigarettes, and drug use, drawing the connections between those behaviors and stress and depressed feelings.

Some of the quotes from teens in this chapter made me tear up, like this one:

BEEN THERE
“I started doing drugs when I was nine. I tried to fit in with that crowd and hide my ‘secret identity.’ By the time I was 13, I was put in drug rehab… My rehab counselor told me I wasn’t going to be able to stop using unless I was true to myself. I went home and thought about what he said. The next day I started coming out to friends.” - Sam, 15 (pr. 145)

Kelly says:

No matter what anyone tells you or how badly you might sometimes feel, you have the potential to make anything you want of your life. You can do amazing things. If you need help getting through a rough spot, reach out for it. It’s there and it’s never too late.

It's a topic that is so nicely handled.

Issues like homophobia and ignorance about gender identity are things that you sometimes have little or no control over. Focusing on things you can control, such as adopting positive and healthy behaviors, goes a long way toward creating a happier and more fulfilling life for yourself.

(pg. 149)



I loved Chapter 9 – on religion and culture - as well. The discussion of the influences of different religions and cultures and how they intersect with being GLBTQ was an excellent beginning to dealing with and exploring the issues.

I also loved learning about these resources for LGBTQ Teens of Color (pg. 164):

Ambiente Joven (www.ambientejoven.org).
This Spanish-language site for queer Latino teens includes information on religion, sexuality and safe sex, as well as resources throughout the United States and South America and links to other sites of interest.

AQU25A (www.apiwellness.org/youth.html).
AQU25A, a program of the Asian & Pacific Islander Wellness Center, is for GLBTQ young adults ages 25 and under. Their site includes information and referrals, as well as activities in the San Francisco area.


Asian & Pacific Islander Family Pride (www.apifamilypride.org).
Their mission is to foster acceptance of sexual and gender diversity among API families. The site includes links to API-specific resources, including books and videos.

Trikone (www.trikone.org).
Trikone is a nonprofit organization for GLBTQ people of South Asian descent (including people from Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Bhutan, India, Maldives, Myanmar, Nepal, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, and Tibet.) Its goals are to bring people of South Asian heritage together, help people affirm South Asian identity as well as their sexual orientation and gender identity, and fight discrimination.

Zuna Institute (www.zunainstitute.org).
Zuna Institute explores issues related to being a black lesbian in today's society and advocates for civil rights. Their website includes information and resources, advocacy opportunities, and links to many other organizations and sites for black lesbians.

Really, this guide is a goldmine!

I really enjoyed the wrap up of this chapter:

Being a Whole Person: Integrating All Parts of Yourself
If you’re having a hard time reconciling your culture, religion, disability, and so on with being GLBTQ, you could be feeling alone, confused, or rejected. Figuring out where you fit in your culture as a queer person and how you can integrate your culture into your life can be a long process. It can help to remember that there are GLBTQ members of every race, religion, ethnicity, and cultural group. No matter who you are, you’re not alone. (pg. 166)

The Transgender Teens chapter starts with these words: “Sex is what’s between your legs. Gender is what’s between your ears.” (pg. 167)

This chapter continued the ride of great information, and even included these Historical gems as a sidebar:

You GO Girls Challenging Gender Roles in History:

In early 18th-century Germany, a woman named Catharina Margaretha Linck dressed as a man, served in the army, and then went to work as a cotton dyer. Catharina even married a woman (although the bond technically wouldn't have been legal.)

During the Revolutionary War, Deborah Sampson dressed as a man and joined the Continental Army. Deborah was also known to have had romantic relationships with other women.

Kelly gives the guide's readers clarity and a reassuring tone that it’s a journey, and that even if you don’t have all the answers right now, “as long as you understand that whoever you are is okay at any stage of your life, that’s a good thing.” (pg. 176)

The Transgender Teen chapter also had resources, like Gender Spectrum, and Camp Aranu’tiq (a weeklong, tuition-free overnight summer camp held in Southern New England for transgender and gender variant young people ages 8-15.)

Transgender people can face difficult issues, but many live very meaningful, fulfilled, and happy lives. The most important thing you can do is accept yourself for the wonderful person you are. (pg. 188)

YES!


The guide also includes information on finding a GLBTQ friendly college, with resources like “the online Campus Climate Index (www.campusclimateindex.org). This site is operated by Campus Pride, a national non-profit group for student leaders and campus groups that works to create more GLBTQ-friendly environments at colleges and universities. The Campus Climate Index includes reviews and ratings of colleges, ranking how GLBTQ-friendly they are. It also includes information on size, degree offerings, tuition, and financial aid resources for GLBTQ students.” (pg. 195-196 .)

It's good advice for any student, really… but especially for GLBTQ queer students.

And I was so happy to learn about:

The Lambda 10 Project is a group for GLBTQ Greek organizations and addresses a variety of issues that can be part of being Greek and queer. Its website (www.lambda10.org) also features news and resources and hosts a bulletin board and chat room for GLBTQ Greeks.

Most of all, in every chapter, "GLBTQ: The Survival Guide For Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning Teens" offers smart and sage advice.

Okay, I can't say it enough. Every school and public library should have a copy of this guide. And if I won the lottery tomorrow, I'd help them buy it.

Thank you, Kelly, for writing this. Finding a guide like this would have changed my entire life as a teenager - and for the better. And I know that it will change lives now.

Namaste,
Lee

It Gets Better: Coming Out, Overcoming Bullying, and Creating A Life Worth Living - The book!

Edited by Dan Savage and Terry Miller


So the youtube phenomena is now a book, and I was fortunate enough to get to meet Dan and his husband-in-Canada, boyfriend-in-America Terry at a recent book signing here in California.

The video revolution that Dan and Terry started (here's a link to their first video) has been heart-wrenching and inspiring. I've done one of my own and featured a number of my favorites (of the thousands of videos people have contributed) here on this blog.

At the book signing, Dan shared that they

"know for a fact that these videos have saved lives."

One of the most poignant moments of the evening was Dan sharing that his straight brother was also bullied as a teen, and that Dan didn't want his brother to think that by doing this project Dan was now saying that bullying for other reasons besides queerness wasn't also a terrible thing that needed to be changed.

And his brother responded, saying that the difference between their both being bullied was that

"I had Mom and Dad but you didn't."

Dan and Terry spoke about the spin off version of the project launched in Great Britain, It Gets Better Today.

They read excerpts, including sharing the transcript of this video by Jules Skloot that opens the book:



They answered questions from the audience, gave advice, signed copies and posed for photos

like this one with me!
From left, Terry Miller, Me, and Dan Savage.

All in all it was a great evening.

It's an important book, and one I'm happy to have be the first title in our new virtual bookshelf/category: GLBTQ Teen Non-Fiction.

Add your review of "It Gets Better" - the book in comments.

Namaste,
Lee