A Teen's Facebook Bully Button Campaign - End Cyberbullying on facebook!

This is a cool project.




I just voted.

Add your voice to mine and to Emily-Anne Rigal's (the 19-year old who came up with this great idea) to change the landscape and make Facebook a safer space where cyberbullying isn't tolerated.

Go to Stop Bullying: Facebook Bully Button Campaign to learn more.

Namaste,
Lee

It Starts With One - a great video about ending Bullying!

Watch this - it's one minute long.

"It starts with one.  Be that one."

YES!

This video was one of a number submitted to the Stop Bullying Video Challenge - great stuff!
My thanks to Cheryl Rainfield for the tweet about this!

Namaste,
Lee

The Geeks Shall Inherit The Earth - An Incredible Non Fiction Book about Bullying and "outsider" status

I cannot say enough good things about The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth: Popularity, Quirk Theory, and Why Outsiders Thrive After High School by Alexandra Robbins.

If you're a teen dealing with the pressures to fit in... read it.

If you're a parent wanting to support your child... read it.

If you're a teacher or educator and you want a deeper understanding both of what's going on with teens and bullying, and how you can help make things better... read it.


The book is nonfiction, but reads like a great story, following five main individuals from among the thousands of interviews Alexandra did.  It also includes a lot of great research and supporting points.  My copy from the library ended up with tons of sticky note markers and scribbled scraps of paper bookmarks throughout, so I could share just a taste of how great it is. 

Here are some of the moments that really jumped out at me:

"Nothing is more unnerving to the truly conventional than the unashamed misfit."
- J.K. Rowling, as quoted on page 7

“Elementary school taught us that variety is what makes the world beautiful. In high school, variety is weird and conformity is survival.”
- High School Junior Beth Ann, as quoted on page 313

“Being gay sucks because you’re forced into silence. People assume that straight people fall in love and gay people have sex. Even my mother says, ‘I don’t understand why gay people have to come out. It’s none of anyone’s business what you do in bed,’ as if being gay is a fetish or something and only pertains to the bedroom.”
Regan, as quoted on page 93

“At school, Einstein wrote, being bullied gave him “a lively sense of being an outsider.” Although he earned good grades, he was so uncomfortable with the “mechanical,” militaristic teaching style, which was devoid of creativity, that his obvious aversion to it led teachers to push him out of school before graduation... Being an outsider helped Einstein immensely: because he wasn’t accepted into the physics establishment, he had nothing to lose by challenging the status quo… Einstein developed the theory of relativity precisely because of his different way of thinking…”

She quoted a Wired article by Isaacson, “What made Einstein special was his impertinence, his nonconformity, and his distaste for dogma. Einstein’s genius reminds us that a society’s competitive advantage comes not from teaching the multiplication or periodic tables but from nurturing rebels. Grinds have their place, but unruly geeks change the world.” pg. 162-163

“I’m happy to be part of a culture where the guys who were made fun of in high school are now the ones the jocks go to see onstage.” - Pete Wentz, frontman for Fall Out Boy, who said of his high school, “I was pretty outcast, but a lot of it was by choice. I was kind of a geek… I looked weird."  He has been open about his depression and stints in therapy. “I like the idea that everyone can get depressed and that there is a way to get through it.” Said Wentz. pg. 167

And the research Alexandra cites is amazing.

Like this fascinating discussion of group favoritism, and the 1954 Robbers Cave State Park study in Oklahoma. They divided a bunch of eleven year old boys into two groups and how, pitted against each other, the groups became enemies. And perhaps even more interesting, how, after that, once the boys from both groups were teamed up for collaborative projects, they became friendly with each other. pg. 233.

She discusses the special dynamics at work in middle school, when “social circles are most homogenous” and students are “more likely to adhere to group norms and to demand that other group members conform," and when “cyberbullying peaks.” She quotes Concordia University psychology professor William Bukowski as warning, “As this consensus is elusive, the struggles for power within groups may provide nearly perfect conditions for some group members who upset a tenuous consensus to be victimized.” And then add in the complications of puberty on top of all that…
Pg. 246-247

Alexandra also explores “reputational bias” – As she quotes one expert explaining, “popular children acquire a ‘positive halo’ and unpopular children acquire a ‘negative halo,’ which color how their behavior is perceived, evaluated, and responded to by others.” Pg. 252-253

The book is loaded with insights,

Like this quote from Quentin Crisp
“The young always have the same problem – how to rebel and conform at the same time. They solve this problem by defying their parents and copying one another.”

and suggestions of solutions,

“The best way to get a kid to be a leader is to give him something to lead.”
Pg. 303, a Connecticut teacher

“If schools celebrated student scientists the same way they celebrate student athletes, more students would be encouraged to pursue the subject. Instead, science is considered nerdy because schools help students to paint it that way... Schools effectively control which students are eligible to achieve the visibility and recognition that pave the path to perceived popularity. Too often they glorify the wrong people.”

And the book concludes with a gold-mine of suggestions that are so good I have to share just the titles... but you should read the explanations yourself!

What Students can do: 
Know that being different doesn’t mean you’re flawed,
Give everyone a chance,
Keep in mind that loneliness won’t last forever,
Try humor and confidence,
Stop trying to conform,
Find an ally, and
Pursue non-school activities.

What Parents can do:
Remove social status from your list of worries,
Don’t assume you know what your child wants,
Encourage individuality,
Have faith in your child,
Consider switching schools,
Lobby for changes in school

What Schools can do: 
Don’t try to “normalize” outcasts – they’re not in the wrong,
Respect the significance of the cafeteria,
Encourage teachers to offer safe havens,
Create superordinate goals,
Monitor for both kinds of aggression,
Employ social norms strategies,
Treat all groups equally,
Make credit requirements equitable,
Encourage upperclassmen to support new students,
Encourage unexpected introductions,
Facilitate connections rather than imposing friendships,
Offer teachers/advisors of marginalized students the chance to be visible,
Rock the vote,
Don’t punish individuals by rewarding groups,
Reach out,
Fight to promote creativity,
Improve clique relations – among staff,
Confront issues head-on, and
Have a well-known anti-bullying procedure and contact person.

(pages 376-39)

Alexandra finishes with this summation

“Outcasts may be persecuted or shunned, but they are also free… Cafeteria fringe status liberates them from the confines of rigid teen boxes, saving a student the time, energy and frustration of trying to be someone he’s not… Undoubtedly the loneliness that may accompany this freedom can be a heartrending price to pay. But most people are lonely at times. As countless students – like Whitney, like Blue – have indicated to me over the years, just because a student has company doesn’t mean that she’s not lonely. Better to be lonely and real than to hide constantly behind a mask of self-deception. The loneliness will pass.” Pg. 395

"Better to be lonely and real than to hide constantly behind a mask of self-deception.  The loneliness will pass." 

Such wise words.

"The Geeks Shall Inherit The Earth" is an excellent, excellent resource for all of us wanting to end bullying and show kids how to not just survive, but thrive.

I want every teacher (and administrator) in this country to read this book over the summer, and if I could, I'd require it! 

Namaste,
Lee

Writing Contest For Teens About Bullying

New York Times Columnist Nicholas Kristof wants to raise the conversation on bullying by hearing from the REAL experts - teens.

If you're between 14 and 19, you can enter a 500 word-or-less essay "about bullying or how to address it."  The deadline for entries is April 30, 2012.

Winning entries may be published in the New York Times as part of Krisof's column, and on Teen Ink.

You can find the contest details here.

Namaste,
Lee


ps - Thanks to Curtis Kiefer and Robin Fosdick at the Corvallis-Benton County Public Library for letting me know about this so I could share it with all of you!

Stand For The Silent - A Powerful Anti-Bullying School Presentation

Featured in the upcoming movie BULLY, Ty Smalley was 11 when, after years of being picked on and bullied, he finally had enough and physically reacted to his bully's taunts.  Ty was caught for 'fighting'.  Suspended from school.  And he killed himself.

Ty Smalley

Ty's parents Kirk and Laura have made it their mission to stop this epidemic of bullying, and they're taking action through STAND FOR THE SILENT.

I was fortunate to attend Kirk's assembly program at a Los Angeles Middle School this week.  It was powerful, and wrenching.

Kirk had the kids on his side, supporting him as he told the story of his son, and of other children like Ty who took their own lives because of bullying.

He asked for a show of hands, who there had ever been bullied.  Every single person raised their hand.

He asked for another show of hands, who there had even been a bully.  Four hands went up.

He told us that every seven seconds, someone is bullied in our world.

There's work to do.

And then, he got the entire auditorium of 800 plus students to take this pledge out loud:

"From this day forward I promise to respect those around me as well as respect myself.  I am somebody, and I can make a difference.  I can make another feel loved.  I can be the helping hand that leads another back to a path of hope and aspiration.  I will not stand silent as others try to spread hatred through my community.  Instead, I pledge to lift up these victims, and show them that their life matters.  I will be the change, because I am somebody."

It was such a powerful moment.

Kirk spoke with passion and deep emotion, and I cheer him on.  We need all our voices raised to empower children and teens to stop bullying and make their world - our world - better.

Here's a CNN story on Kirk - and in it you can see how raw and honest he's able to be about his loss, and the promise he made to his son on the Father's Day after Ty's death, that he'd stop this from happening to another child.







So let's do it. Let's stand with Kirk. And let's Stand For The Silent.

Let's each of us do everything we can to end bullying.


Namaste,
Lee

A movie about bullying in US Schools gets an R rating, preventing it from being seen by kids - and what YOU can do to help!

I've seen BULLY.

And I believe the movie's honest window into bullying can open eyes, get people talking, and contribute towards making things better - but not if it has an "R" rating and kids under 17 can't see it!

Here's the trailer (that's rated okay for "Appropriate Audiences")




Lee Hirsch, the movie's director, said about the "R" rating:

"I made BULLY for everyone to see, kids who are bullied, who bully, and the vast majority who are witnesses ...those kids can make change by speaking up, becoming upstanders instead of bystanders. We have to change hearts and minds in order to stop this epidemic, which affects more than 13 million young lives a year in our country. The stark realities of bullying are that kids say terrible things to each other...and kids in junior and senior high-school use profanity. ~~ It is devastating that the MPAA, in adhering to a strict limit on certain words, would prevent this film from being seen by those who need its message the most...."

There was an appeal to the ratings board. It was rejected.

As the Bully Project wrote, an R rating

"could potentially ban the very students who are on the front lines of America's bullying epidemic from seeing the film unless accompanied by a parent or guardian. Clearly, this is unacceptable."


Katy, a high school student from Ann Arbor, Michigan launched an online petition on change.org urging the MPAA to reconsider. In less than 24 hours more than 100,000 people had signed on - but they still need more signatures!

The movie is set to debut March 30, 2012.

Add your voice.

Let's get this movie seen, and let's get people talking about bullying, and how to stop it.

***UPDATE MARCH 5, 2012***

They've gotten over 200,000 signatures so far, and Katy is planning "to deliver the signatures to the MPAA personally."

You can still sign!

***

UPDATE APRIL 5, 2012

The movie is slightly edited (to remove three of the six uses of the F-word) and the MPAA gives BULLY a PG-13 rating!

success!

***

Namaste,
Lee

"Whats goin on" - one teen's wrenching cry to end bullying

Watch this.




It's so powerful. It's been viewed nearly 9 million times. And while he's received some support, there has been so much meanness and denial and flat-out bullying continuing in the online responses to Jonah's video.

We have to stop anti-GLBTQ bullying. We have to stop all bullying.

Right now.

And how is Jonah doing?

This is from the video's page on youtube:

UPDATE 12/5/11 - PLEASE READ
To all my friends and supporters,
I made this video 4 months ago just before school was about to start. I was 13. It was a very emotionally dark time in my life. I made the video at 4:00 am in the morning; I hadn't been sleeping at night for a long time, too many things going on in my head. I was dreading going back to school and I had not come out to my family yet. Only my closest friends knew. I didn't know how to say what I needed to say. All I could think about were all the bad things that had been happening at school last year, every year for that matter. I just couldn't bare to go through that anymore. I was done being fake happy, pretending hateful words didn't hurt, done hiding it from my family.
So this video was made for my friends that had moved on to High School who were worried for me, to say to them that I was going to take a stand, and to the haters at my middle school that I'm not going anywhere. I am who I am. I posted the video here and told people were to find it. That was it.
My friends were moved by the video and thought I did something important. I was encouraged to link it to my Facebook page so more people could see it. Maybe it could help someone else going through the same thing. So I linked it Dec. 1st. My Parents saw it for the first time Dec, 2nd.
Then..... all this happened.

I never expected in a million years that it would have such a wonderful impact on so many people. I am truly humbled and truly thankful for all the love, encouragement and support from people all over the world. It's been incredibly overwhelming. I don't know what to say. Thank you so, so much!
Lastly, yes you have seen me happy in a couple short videos replies I posted; I would think that would be a good thing, and yes I do have friends, my High School friends. And I have made friends because when I came out they realized that they had hurt me and that they felt sorry.

The video is real, and true. In the last few months everything eventually came out in the open, I felt a huge weight off my shoulders; I'm happy, I'm excepted for who I am, I'm more confident and feel stronger every day.
Thank you all, Love and peace to all who are hurting.
Jonah Mowry

Let's make our world a better place, for Jonah, for all teenagers - Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Questioning and Straight - for all of us.

Namaste,
Lee

Resource Link-A-Palooza! (Links and Resources from my SAFE SPACE Assemblies)

That's me, talking about "SAFE SPACE: Ending Anti-Gay Bullying in our Culture... and at YOUR School" on Wednesday of this week, up in Oregon at Corvallis High School

The last two weeks have been packed with speaking visits, including giving my Smashing Stereotypes workshops to the entire sixth grade at Brentwood School in Los Angeles, sharing an Empowering Diversity session with the Los Angeles Independent School Counselors, and flying up to Corvallis, Oregon to do my “SAFE SPACE: Ending Anti-Gay Bullying in our Culture… and at YOUR School” program four times – once at the amazing Corvallis Benton County Public Library and a full day of three packed presentations to students at the Corvallis High School’s Black Box Theater …I also met with two different groups of teens at the library, hung out with the coolest of librarians and GSA Advisors, and even had lunch with students from Corvallis High’s GSA.
I’ll blog separately about my trip to Corvallis, but for now let me share what I promised in my talks – links to the many, many, many resources I shared.

For those of you who weren’t at one of these presentations, there’s still lots of great stuff here for you to browse. And if you want to get a taste of what my presentations are like, you can go here to see video highlights of both my Smashing Stereotypes Workshop and My SAFE SPACE Assembly. And/or, you can have your school, library or group contact me and we’ll see if I can bring my programs to you… If that’s the case, please email me at iamleewind (at) gmail (dot) com.

And now, without too much further ado, here are some links and resources I shared:

The Chimamanda Adichie TED Talk on the danger of stereotypes being a single story.

The quote by Holocaust Survivor Martin Niemoller

"In Germany, they came first for the Communists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist;
And then they came for the trade unionists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist;
And then they came for the Jews, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew;
And then . . . they came for me . . . And by that time there was no one left to speak up."

-Martin Niemoller

Hug of Shame 1

Hug of Shame 2

Hazing in Pro Baseball

Oregon's Constitutional Amendment 5a

HB 2599 – Oregon Safe Schools Act

Basic Rights Oregon

PFLAG Oregon

The picture book “King and King”by Linda de Haan & Stern Nijland is the picture book about two princes falling in love that was used in the anti-gay marriage Prop 8 commerical.

The Most Dangerous Book In America, “And Tango Makes Three”

Harvey Milk speech

The two wonderful films about Harvey Milk that I mentioned are The Times Of Harvey Milk, a documentary that won the Academy Award (for best documentary) back in 1984. And Milk, a 2008 biopic that won two Academy Awards for Best Original Screenplay and Best Actor (Sean Penn as Milk.)

The Corvallis Benton County Public Library has amazing librarians and a great website (check out their url: www.thebestlibrary.net !)  with super lists of books for teens.  Oh, and check out their LGBTQ Teen Graphic Novel/Manga list, too!

http://lgbthistorymonth.com is the site for the 31 Days. 31 Icons. October celebration of LGBT History.  I have lots more info on queer history on my blog here and here.

Facing History and Ourselves is the organization I mentioned that coined the term UPstanders.  They have lots of great resources and programs, and here’s their website.

The New York Times series on Coming Out  and the Salon series “Interview With My Bully” are fascinating reading.

I mentioned former NBA player John Amaechi's talk on prejudice and diversity - here are more of my notes from attending his presentation.

Here’s the abstract on the study published in “Pediatrics” on “The Social Environment and Suicide Attempts in Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Youth” that showed better outcomes for all students from a more queer-accepting environment. 

The Trevor Project runs a 24 hr crisis lifeline for GLBTQ and questioning youth – the lifeline is 1-866-4-U-TREVOR, 1-866-488-7386 and their website is: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

Some of my favorite “It Gets Better” videos are collected here: The project website and their pledge

Everyone deserves to be respected for who they are. I pledge to spread this message to my friends, family and neighbors. I'll speak up against hate and intolerance whenever I see it, at school and at work. I'll provide hope for lesbian, gay, bi, trans and other bullied teens by letting them know that "It Gets Better."

is at: www.itgetsbetter.org/

I'll just pull out two to share in this list:  My own It Gets Better video, and the "It Gets Better" - Broadway sings for the Trevor Project song  I shared at the end of my sessions.

Thanks for being such great audiences.  I hope each one of you chooses to be an UPstander - and then together we can change our world for the better!

Namaste,
Lee

An Irish Ad To End Anti-Gay Bullying: "Stand Up! - Don't Stand for Homophobic Bullying"

Wow. Watch this!




My thanks to Anne for the link - and to the people that put this together.

I had to fight back the tears as I watched it - it made me so happy.

Please share it.

Namaste,
Lee

Bullying: Wanna Help Stop It? Join Me and the facebook group 'Young Adult Authors Against Bullying'

Cyber bullies at a high school in California that drove one Teen to leave the school.

Bullies at a school in Massachusetts who made life so intolerable for one Teen that she killed herself.

Over and over we hear these stories of intolerance, of meanness, of the power dynamic of putting someone else down so the bullies can feel bigger, or better.

We see the pattern of using someone's gender non-conformity (girls who are too masculine, or boys who are too feminine) or someone's real or perceived sexual orientation as ammunition in an onslaught designed to strengthen an unjust status quo.

Enough is enough.

So authors Carrie Jones and Megan Kelley Hall started a facebook group, Young Adult Authors Against Bullying, to help turn the tide. In Carrie's words:

We were tired - tired of hearing about tragedies because of bullying, tired of seeing bullies on television, in schools, in the grocery stores. So often people who are bullied feel like they are worthless, alone, couldn’t possibly make it through. Even when bullying doesn’t involve an emotional element, the bully’s words echo, and worm their way into people’s hearts, eroding their self worth.

As an author who writes for kids, I wanted to find a way to use words for good, to make a tiny dent in all that bad by creating a place where people who were bullied can read about others who made it through.

Authors seemed like the perfect people to do that. And since Megan Kelley Hall and I started the group we’ve read tons of stories that are so poignant and heart-wrenching of adult authors and teens who have dealt with this.

For a lot of them, telling their stories has been incredibly hard, but also powerful because they know that they are showing others that they aren’t alone. One person said that they were ashamed that they had been bullied, that they had hidden it, but seeing how many other people out there had been bullied as well made them stronger.

And really, that's so important. Finding the power in words. In stories. Together.

In the real world, speak up if you see someone else being bullied.

And online, Join the facebook group.

And stand with Megan, and Carrie, and Me, and thousands of others... and together, we'll create a movement, an uprising, a revolution - to stop bullying.

Because enough is enough.