Power, The Straight White Man, and the SECRET Code behind Homophobia

Sandra Scoppettone's comment on yesterday's post of her book, "Happy Endings Are All Alike," raised a pretty great question:

She said...

Thanks for the nice attention. I think it was the first book about lesbians. A few years before that, I wrote Trying Hard To Hear You, which was about gay boys. The one about the girls was reviewed less and sold less. Hmmm? What do you suppose the reason was for that?

What sticks with me about her question is

"reviewed less."

Now these books came out a while ago, but more attention to a book about gay teenage boys than about lesbian teenage girls doesn't surprise me...

It brings me, in fact, to the fascinating issue of our Western culture's horrified fascination with gay men's homosexuality - it's soooo threatening to many straight people - and our same culture's blasé take on and dis-interest in lesbian women's homosexuality (lesbians don't seem threatening at all, in fact they're seen as objects of sexual titillation for straight men!)

Huh?

Why? It's so odd - but I think the roots of it go down into our culture's misogynistic perspective, seeing everything as a reflection of The Straight White Man's interests and lives. Gay men (especially ones who don't act feminine, but share masculine traits with them) are threatening to The Straight White Man because - well... um... it's not that they're afraid they're really going to be jumped on in the gym showers!

Maybe it's because for many straight men, their own self-image is so tied up with being "The Man." They exist and thrive on the power dynamic of dominant over submissive, of male over female, where someone else's lack of power seems to inflate their own power (like bullies!) Anyone that doesn't fit neatly into this power dynamic threatens them and their power directly, purely because they don't fit where they "should"!

Perhaps this is the code that unlocks so many mysteries of our culture:

It's why there's a huge fear (and odd culture of jokes about) prison rape - as terrible as any rape is, I think the fear and discussion of this is really an expression of straight men's fear of losing power, of surrendering - for then they fear they will have lost themselves.

It's why we're always reading in the news about older rich men marrying younger pretty women.

It's why there's all this fear and discussion of "gay marriage" destroying and de-valuing straight people's marriages.

It's why so many straight people think in queer relationships there's always the roles of a "man" and a "woman." The idea that two men could have equal power in a relationship is baffling...

It's why there are so many countries that have laws against gay male sex but not against lesbian sex (Our own United States of America only just got rid of our last laws in 2003! Check out this wikipedia article.)

In fact, from another wikipedia article, there's this statistic:

Today, consensual homosexual acts between adults are illegal in about 70 out of the 195 countries of the world;^[3] in 40 of these, only male-male sex is outlawed.^[4]

It's why women of power (like Senator Hilary Clinton) are so hated and are de-sexed (by accusing them of being lesbians) to make them seem less powerful.

It's why in some cultures men tell themselves they're not really "gay" if they are the "top" (the ostensibly dominant partner in the sexual interaction.) They've made the label of 'homosexual' only apply if they're submissive to another man! In fact, there are whole new categories of sexuality that have been coined to avoid using the terms "gay" or "homosexual" to apply to these men, such as "M-S-M" (Men who have Sex with Men.)

It's why "fairy" and "sissy" and other submissive, power-less put-downs were synonyms for being gay when I was growing up. And maybe it's why we have the slang today, of when something's bad, or someone's a loser, people sling around "that's so gay" or "you're so gay" as a put-down. It's a put-down of that person's power.

It's why gender variant and trans-gender people are so marginalized in our culture, and are so scary and unknown to straight people that even many 'leaders' in our GLBTQ community are willing to let the "T" drop for now in the civil rights struggle for the Employment Non-Discrimination Act! (for an overview of the issue of transgender inclusion in the ENDA, check this out.)

Now where does this leave the fetish-ization of the female S&M Mistress? (think black leather, thigh-high boots, and a whip...) I think it fits, because this powerful woman is seen as existing solely to focus on the pleasure of the straight man she's dominating. He's sort of humoring her to let her have this space where she gets to "pretend" to be in charge... But the power dynamic is kept intact, with The Straight White Man feeling ultimately in charge.

By recognizing this power dynamic that underlies some straight people's fear of GLBTQ people, perhaps we can better understand the obstacles to our attaining equality, and see the wisdom in building bridges and alliances with our natural allies - feminists and other minorities, groups and enlightened individuals (even some straight white men), who all struggle as we do against the world view of the Straight White Man on top, in power, with everyone else submissive and below him.

And maybe even more importantly, by understanding this secret code exists, we can fight back by refusing to have our power put-down. And we can claim power for ourselves, in our own lives, each and every day.

We can recognize that coming out is an act of claiming our POWER.

We can recognize that POWER is also INFORMATION!

Back to Sandra's comment, the book about lesbian teenagers

"sold less"

Could this be a direct result of the lack of awareness of the book among people who might want to read it?

Which, in a lovely circular way, brings me back to this blog, and the reason I'm doing this:

To EMPOWER YOU to know about these amazing books that are out there - so you can get them into your hands and read them!

Know that YOU have the POWER!


Namaste,

Lee

Happy Endings Are All Alike

By Sandra Scoppettone

Two Teenage Girls in love. In a small Town. In the 1970s.

And yeah, that's a KNIFE in the silhouetted figure's hand.

Yikes!

Sandra's the author of a gazillion crime stories, and "Happy Endings Are All Alike" is a Young Adult book that was published back in 1978, so it's one of the first Lesbian Teen Novels.

Add your review of this book in "comments!"

Manny Files, The

By Christian Burch

Okay, you've watched "Auntie Mame" (The Rosalind Russell version, please...)

You've booked your tickets to see "Mary Poppins" on Broadway...

Now you can read about eight year old Keats and his three sisters - and their Gay Male Nanny... Their Manny, and how he helps them learn to be interesting...

And interestingly enough, Christian was a male nanny, or manny, who used his real life experiences as inspiration...

Another interesting note is that Christian does not use the word "gay" in this entire book. He comments about that here:

Also, I didn't use the word gay or talk about it because I didn't want it to be a "gay" book. I wanted it to be a "real life" book where gay people are just people in your lives, not there to teach the gay lesson, just to exist as straight people do in literature.

And like many of the novels where the main characters have GLBTQ Parents or Caretakers, "The Manny Files" revolves around a pre-Teen (in this case, eight year old Keats.)

Be interesting, and add your review of this book in "comments!"

Bermudez Triangle, The

By Maureen Johnson

The Bermudez Triangle is three best girlfriends in High School; Nina, Melanie (a.k.a. Mel), and Avery.

The summer before their senior year, Nina goes off to a college-prep program and meets Steve. When Nina comes back, she's stunned to discover that Mel and Avery found love that summer, too - with each other!

In the words of Maureen's website:

What exactly do you do when your two best friends in the entire world start dating?

"The Bermudez Triangle" is such a fun summer beach read that they even published a versino where the cover is "splash-proof!" (no, really. check it out.)















Add your review of this book in "comments!"

The First Known Gay Spy!

Dah-Dah-Dahhhh!

Okay, I'm really into "firsts" and Today's Bitchin' Queer Quote is about the first known gay spy...

Raymond Lecomte (1857-1921). As the first secretary of the French legation in Berlin, Lecomte infiltrated the homosexual clique surrounding the German Prince Philipp von Eulenburg.

It was called the "Round Table!"

His [Lecomte's] discovery that Germany was bluffing in the Morocco crisis of 1906 led to a French diplomatic victory at the Algeciras Conference. This in turn led to Eulenburg's exposure as a homosexual and his subsequent ruin. Lecomte's activities are the first known instance of a homosexual's using his sexual contacts for espionage.

Dah-Dah-Dahhhh!!

Now that's a BITCHIN' Queer Quote! It's from pg. 21 of "The First Gay Pope and other records" by Lynne Yamaguchi Fletcher.

You can also check out the New York Times article reprint from June 14, 1907 here.
In it there are some additional juicy details about who was part of the German's Prince's "Round Table," including a General and two highly placed Cavalry Officers!

Dah-Dah-Dahhhh!!!

For more fascinating history swirling around this Gay scandal, check out the wikipedia article on the Harden-Eulenburg Affair. It includes tidbits like this one, about

the night Kaiser Wilhelm II was vacationing at an aristocrat's estate in the Black Forest when, after dinner, his chief of the Military Secretariat, Dietrich Graf von Hulsen-Haseler, was performing a dance in a tutu when his heart failed.

I swear I'm not making this stuff up!

okay, one last one for the Secretary of the German Military dying in a tutu...

Dah-Dah-Dahhhh!!!!

Eight Seconds

By Jean Ferris

Cowboys. Bull Riding. Rodeo Camp the Summer before Senior Year of High School.

When John meets Kit, he thinks he's made a friend who's the ideal cowboy - and he wants to be just like him.

Then he finds out Kit's Gay.

And that begins the wild ride of John's heart. Just how much like Kit is he?

Add your review of this book in "comments!"

On Thanksgiving And Families - The Ones You Get and The Ones You Create

Okay, this post has a soundtrack...


We Are Family (sung by Sister Sledge)


Grab or click it if you have it on your playlist or on an old CD (or heck, if you're a vinyl warrior, that's cool too.)

Or hey, go to itunes music store or one of the other online music stores and just play the free 30 second sample (a couple of times...) or buy it and download it right now!

Take a second, and put the track on...


And get in the Giving Thanks (Thanks-Giving!) mood...

We Are Family...

Okay, so you're born into one family - for good and bad, warts, sparkles, and all. It makes me think of the pre-school rhyme


"You get what you get and you don't get upset."


Actually, you DO get upset - getting upset - getting angry! - is a natural part of growing up! And what do you do? You find yourself making - CREATING - other families. And you'll continue to do that throughout your life, no matter the ups and downs of your relationship with the family you're born into.



Maybe it's Junior High when you start to make friends that's really YOU choosing and not just who lives near you or whose parents like your parents - you're starting to feel a bit more independent, and that's the start of another family - or sets of families - throughout your life - your FAMILY OF FRIENDS, of choice.

All the people around us they say,

can they be that close?

Just let me state for the record

Were giving love like a family does!

Some of us have high school friends -connections that can last through our lives, or run their course - and that's a family (even with it's own reunions!)

There are college friends who become a family, with reunions and alumni associations and everything... (ahhh, if only there had been a gay fraternity at my college that I could have joined!) Check out this great article on gay.com news, about the 20th anniversary year of a GAY FRATERNITY!!!
Delta Lambda Phi is the Gay Fraternity they talk about - they have a website, too, here.

Then there are the friends you make your first job...


This joyful gathering around you of kindred spirits continues throughout life.

There's a family of people from your hobbies and passions (I've seen knitters talk like long-lost siblings, and anyone who's ever worked on a theater show knows how the actors and crew become a sort of family as long as the production runs!) and the people you find in your careers (When I run into fellow Kid Lit writers and bloggers, I feel a kinship - a sense of family, a shared purpose...)

There's also a family of people you're part of just by being who you are (other two-Dad families with kids make me so happy inside, even when I don't know them at all...) And a sense of community (and extended family) from living in a certain area for long enough that the people at the grocery store know you by name and always say "Hi!"

Another kind of family is when you gather with others who share your take on the world - for me this was coming out and finding a sense of TRIBE with other Gay Men - and as I've grown up, finding a kinship with others in the broader GLBTQ community.

Here's what we call the golden rule

have faith in you and the things you do

and you won't go wrong

oh no this is a family joint (yea yea).

And then, to get a bit philosophical, we're all part of the FAMILY OF HUMANITY. I know, I know, we keep trying to kill each other, or cut each other off in traffic, but every time there's some disaster (9/11, Tsunamis, Hurricane Katrina, Wildfires in California) we seem to be able to forget all the negativity and pull together to help each other out. Maybe we just need to figure out how to do it without the disasters... (sort of like the plot of so many sci fi novels and movies - all the human race needs is some common alien enemy, and we'll stop fighting each other...)


So, back to the pre-school rhyme, when it comes to family,


You get what you get and you don't get upset

Cause really, when you think about it - you get all these different families throughout your life.

And someday, if you're truly blessed, you can add one more kind of family tree to your enormous forest of families: you'll find someone to love, and maybe raise a child together. And you'll be a new family. I am so blessed.

We are Family!

For these and so many other reasons, I'm truly grateful.


And you know what?


There's even one more family that comes to mind:

The family - the community - that's part of the adventure of this blogsite!


Thank YOU for being part of my journey, as a writer, a shaman, and a novice blogger...

For all these things, and for you, my community of readers, I give thanks.

We are Family!

And I hope you grab a moment Today, and make a mental list of the families in your lives, and are able to give Thanks, too.



sing with me!

here are the lyrics if you want to sing along!

We are family! (we are family) Get up everybody sing!

Happy Thanks-Giving!

Namaste,

Lee

Funny Boy

By Shyam Selvadurai

At 7, Argun is a sissy.

As a Teen, he's sent off to a strict school to 'become a man.' In the middle of his country, Sri Lanka, being torn apart by ethnic conflict (between Tamil and Sinhalese) and suffering under the burdens of British colonial homophobia, Argun (a Tamil) falls for a fellow male student (who's Sinhalese.)

Two taboos broken, in one love. And then they're discovered...

"Funny Boy" won the Lambda Literary Award in 1996 for Gay Men's Fiction, as well as a whole bunch of other accolades. I've included it here on this blogsite (even though they weren't really marketing it as a YA novel) because it's story of a Teenage boy figuring out who he is...

There's a very poignant article by Shyam in "Time Magazine: The Asian Journey Home", The August 18-August 25, 2003 Issue, about when he and his male partner went back to Sri Lanka (from where they now live in Canada) and set up house for a few months - in a country where being gay is still a crime.

Add your review of this book in "comments!"

Swimming in the Monsoon Sea

By Shyam Selvadurai

Amrith is 14 and adopted. When his male cousin Niresh (from the family of his birth-mother) shows up at his home in Sri Lanka, Amrith's past, present, and future go through the same Monsoon storms that sweep across the island nation.

Amidst the summer tempests, Amrith falls in love with Niresh - and awakens to being gay.

"Swimming in the Monsoon Sea" won the 2005 Lambda Literary Award.

Add your review of this book in "comments!"

The First Gay Science Fiction Story EVER!

How cool is Today's Bitchin' Queer Quote...

"True History," by the Greek writer Lucian (A.D. 120-185) is the First Gay Science Fiction Story EVER!

On a voyage into the Atlantic, the narrator is suddenly enveloped by a typhoon, which sweeps him up to the moon. Earth's satellite is inhabited by men only, and is engaged in a war with the sun. After distinguishing himself in combat, the hero returns to the moon, where the king magnanimously gives him his son the prince in marriage.

WOW!

The all male society reproduces (male children only) by giving birth from the thigh or by growing a child from a plant produced by planting the left testicle in the moon's soil.

Crazy! Fascinating! It's more than 2100 years old - and I wanna read this!

I found out about this on page 95 in the amazing "The First Gay Pope and other records" by Lynne Yamaguchi Fletcher. There was a little more detail about it in the article "Lucian" by William A. Percy in the Encyclopedia of Homosexuality, pg. 752.

Boy Girl Boy

By Ron Koertge

Three Teens - Elliot, Teresa, and Larry, are BFF (Best Friends Forever.) Their plan is to move to California after graduation - together.

But, uh... Larry's Gay, and, um... Teresa wants to date him or Elliot (neither of them are interested in her that way), and, yeah... Elliot feels overshadowed by Larry and Teresa, and...

Told from all three points of view, each character has to figure out their own path forward. Can any part of this three way friendship survive?

Add your review of this book in "comments!"

Ancient Gay LOVE Story Discovered: David and Jonathan

The cast:

The King: Saul
The King's Son - a military Hero in his own right: Jonathan
The Warrior Hero: David

excerpts from the work:

When he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day, and would not let him return to his father's house. Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his girdle."

Saul soon becomes jealous of David's military successes, and afraid of David...

After Saul tries - more than once - to pin David to the wall with his spear while David is playing the lyre, David prudently decides to flee. Saul blames Jonathan for aiding and abetting David, accusing him,

"You son of a perverse, rebellious woman, do I not know that you have chosen the son of Jesse to your own shame, and to the shame of your mother's nakedness?"

Storming out of the Palace, Jonathan goes to find David, who has hidden himself behind a heap of stones in a field. Seeing Jonathan, David "fell on his face to the ground, and bowed three times; and they kissed one another, and wept with one another, until David exceeded [himself].

After swearing that "the Lord shall be between me and you, and between my descendents and your descendants, forever," the two part.

After Jonathan's death, David cries out

"How are the mighty fallen in the midst of battle! Jonathan lies slain upon the high places. I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; very pleasant have you been to me; your love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women."

So what is this? A Lost Manuscript by Shakespeare? A Gay Teen Novel from the middle ages?

Actually, It's from the OLD TESTAMENT - The "Bible."

Really.

Saul was the King of Israel.

Jonathan, the King's son, loved David.

And David, the famous warrior, loved Jonathan. And yeah, it's the same David who slew the Giant Goliath with his slingshot, and who ended up the greatest King of Israel, and was an ancestor of Jesus.

Oh, and the phrase "passing the love of women" became code, in the middle ages and after, for love between men.

And gay artists like Donatello and Michelangelo (yup, THAT Michelangelo) made DAVID their ideal of youthful male beauty.

And yes, it's THIS David.



Pretty cool, huh?

An Ancient - a BIBLICAL - Gay LOVE story. Right there all the time...

Namaste,

Lee


For more on David and Jonathan, check out pgs. 159-161 of "The Gay 100: A Ranking of the Most Influential Gay Men and Lesbians, Past and Present" by Paul Russell, and pgs. 26-39 of "Jonathan Loved David: Homosexuality in Biblical Times" by Tom Horner. Oh, and you can check out the different translations of these:

I Samuel 18:1-4
I Samuel 20:30-31
I Samuel 20:41-42
II Samuel 1:19-27

Real Life Channel, The

By Robert A. Black

Three Teens (one of whom, Sydney, has Two Dads) are on a doomed TV show that's picked up by a new network. They think their troubles are over, that fame and fortune are coming their way...

They are wrong.

And now, mysterious things start to happen at The Real Life Channel...

Robert has a great essay on writing this book with Sydney and her Gay Dads, and on the importance of including Gay characters in YA Novels at the Young Adult (and Kids) Books Central website, as part of their recent GLBT Month 2007.

Add your review of this book in "comments!"

Arizona Kid, The

By Ron Koertge

Billy is 16, and spending the summer living with his Gay uncle, Wes, in Arizona.

Billy works at a race track, falls for a girl, and with some guidance from his uncle Wes, starts to figure things out about being a man and being himself.

Add your review of this book in "comments!"

On Veteran's Day, Gay Soldiers, and the MYTH of Gay Sissyhood

"sissy!"

"weakling!"

"faggot!"

Those are some of the words I heard growing up and the words I was taught were synonymous with being gay. It's one of the reasons I had so much trouble figuring out that I WAS gay - oh, I knew who I was attracted to and all, but because I wanted to grow up to be a man of strength and confidence, and I wanted to be held by another man of strength and confidence, the label "gay" didn't seem to fit.

In many ways, the popularity of Tom of Finland,



and the whole gym-bunny muscle-bound ripped-abs look, is a cultural response of Gay men to this myth of sissyhood.

Almost as if they're answering the schoolyard taunts: Gay men are sissies? Not if you look at my biceps!

And, I'll add - not if you look (really look) at history!

Here's a great quote about Alexander the Great:

"His primary love seems to have been reserved for his companion from boyhood, the brilliant Hephaestion. According to Plutarch, when Alexander came to the site of Ancient Troy, he laid a wreath on Achilles' tomb, and Hephaestion laid one on the tomb of Patroclus: a clear and public avowal of their relationship, given that the ancients commonly supposed Achilles and Patroclus to have been lovers."

Here's a cool image from a mosaic showing Alexander in Battle:



But despite the historical record (often hidden and "straight-i-fied") about famous warriors (like Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Trajan, Frederick the Great, and Lawrence of Arabia) being Men who loved Men, American culture continues to steep us in this falsehood.

And then there's the opposite supposition about Lesbians - that their women-loving ways make them hard, masculine, unattractive. In fact, there's a misogyny at work here in the prejudice against women who have power - look at the efforts to portray Hilary Clinton, a U.S. Senator, the front-runner for the Democratic Presidential Nomination, a true Woman of Power, as a lesbian.

What about the Women of Power and Beauty in Herstory who were womyn-loving-womyn? Queen Christina of Sweden, Russia's Catherine II (1729-1796), and England's Queen Anne (1665-1714), and, of course, the AMAZONS!?! Once again, the facts are ignored, overlooked, buried.

The unstated bias is that a woman of true power couldn't be "normal." She must be trying to be the "man," in that quaint (and insulting) concept some straight people have that in a gay or lesbian relationship, the sexual roles remain classic, only with one effeminate man playing the "woman" and one butch woman playing the "man."

So, saddled as we are with these ridiculous and patently untrue stereotypes, we have the disastrous "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, despite many other countries letting openly Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender soldiers serve without any loss of "unit cohesion" or "military readiness." Look at the experience of Spain, Canada, The Czech Republic, Denmark, France, Germany, Australia, Norway, Sweden, Belgium, Netherlands, Italy, Great Britain and Israel.

In fact, when you check out the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network's website, they have an HONOR EVERY VETERAN campaign. In their words:

"One million lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender Americans have served in our armed forces. Yet, the Pentagon fires two people every day for being gay.

LGBT service members have served in every conflict since the American Revolution. Since World War II, however, our government has discharged more than 115,000 brave American service members who had been willing to die for our liberty, even while denied their own because of who they are."

It's amazing how homophobia can become policy, and policy can foment more homophobia.

But the opposite is true as well - policy can show equality and respect, and thus a culture of equality and respect is encouraged to grow.

So it's Veteran's Day. And like that amazing line from the movie "300"

"Freedom isn't Free."

We're a country at war - a very unpopular war - and no one here at home seems truly affected except for the military families whose lives revolve around constant crisis and sacrifice.

So it's a day to honor our Veterans, to honor our current serving members of the military and their families, and also a day to remember what this country stands for: Liberty and Justice for All. And that includes all the servicemembers who have been discharged for being who they are - and it includes all of us, too: Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning and Queer Americans - sissies and musclemen - bulldykes and lipstick lesbians, everyone in-between genders and stereotypes, all of us!

Maybe Today is a good day to realize that if freedom isn't free, perhaps equality - true equality - is a goal everyone in our community, and all our straight-and-not-narrow allies, need to stand up for, shout about, and vote for as well!


And one last thought for this Monday, in images:

The Gay Pride Rainbow Flag is this:





and the Italian PEACE flag is this:




I like how they've been brought together.

Here's to a world at peace...

Namaste,

Lee


(Great information on Alexander the Great, Queen Christina and other Gays and Lesbians of Power came from pgs. 56-59, and pgs. 98 - 101 in "The Gay 100: A Ranking of the Most Influential Gay Men and Lesbians, Past and Present" by Paul Russell.)